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The Rope Game 

A good way to get this game going is to have a piece of rope. The thickness or length is incidental to your level of fun. If you want to just tie up a homeless dwarf or whip a cat, use a 2" by 3-4' rope. If you mean to hog tie a fat person, or shackle a pony to a fence overnight, you may want to get a longer, heavier rope.

The fun begins when you get the full sense of appreciation for low level bondage in a non-sexual sense, using a rope. Fake hangings, rappelling off of SUV's (that you don't own) in the Mall parking lot, wearing only a thong made of nothing more than a small string can be a good testing ground for your creativity.

I found my first plan to be most original and alluring to the general public. I dressed in long john underwear, had a friend tie me up from the waist to the neck in a 3" rope, and donned a woman's nylon stocking over my head, much like a bank robber. Next, I stood speechless with a sign hung over my neck that read: 

"Help, I have accidentally tied myself up while trying to learn to jump rope!" 

" I will pay the person who unties me, $500.00 dollars!"

I stood silent on the steps of the Dade County Government Center for 1 hour before I was escorted away by local police who eventually released me for lack of a charge. During that hour, not one person stopped to even ask me what the hell I was up to. In fact, everyone avoided eye contact and any confrontation with me. I was like a Jehovah's Witness with Ebola!...sort of!

What fun!

My favorite rope trick is to publicly kidnap a vulnerable victim and  tie them up on the nearest railroad tracks while dressed as an evil sinister villain. A boom box with railroad train sound tracks in the bushes adds to the drama.  Greg at the end of his rope

As the victim is crying and asking for mercy, make unreasonable demands. Ask for 10,000 pounds of Chocklatey Chip Cookies or, 500 pair of Sassoon blue jeans size 6 male! or 2 military Humvees painted with Metallic Orange Slice Emron paint and equipped with turret mounted squirt guns and a helicopter deck on each. If somehow all of these demands are met, demand world peace! ( It will never happen and you will look like a good guy for trying.)

Use a heavy Latin or Mideast accent as you make your demands! It will be more authentic!

Film everything! It may be the last laugh you ever have! Drool a lot. It will help during your trial. Wear a bad haircut during the video. Remember... anything goes! 

Janeen on the tracks againSend the video and a cryptic letter with your demands to any organization that you know will have no idea what to do with it. The Black Panthers, The White Panthers, The Free Charles Manson Society, The Civil War Veterans Preservation Society, Senator Tom Daschel's office, The Klu Klux Klan...Jessie Jackson...Michael Jackson...

Explain in your letter that you plan to implicate them in the crime unless your demands are met. ( At this point, just in case, you may want to discuss your legal options with an attorney in the event you are caught)

Repeat your demands! Over and over and over and over and over and over and over....

 Once You Are Caught....and you will be...

Now is a good time to contact the U.S. Legal Justice Department about the witness protection program... See if you may qualify,  before your trial actually begins.

Just an afterthought...don't kidnap anyone under the age of 30, it's not real popular these days!


A real power play might include a demand for television time in order to explain your defense, then... do not show up when the event is scheduled to occur. Or show up dressed as Scarlet Ohara, and chant:

"The Master is coming!...The master is coming!" while old 40's beebop plays in the background...Charlie Bird Parker is perfect for this gig.

Dress as a circus clown during your trial. Nose, makeup and big shoes, the works! This absolutely fucks with juries when you eventually end up in court (and you will) but remember to dress elegantly...Be sure to announce to the jury that you are wearing fresh socks!

Demand McDonald's Big Macs for lunch during your trial, but when they arrive, insist that you are a Vegan, then inhale the Big Macs whole anyhow! Do this every day during your trial.

If nothing else these antics will get you some appreciation from the guards and likely some distance from your new friends and cell mates at the Greybar Hotel when you eventually arrive.

Good Luck with rope games! Have fun!