Monday, January 05, 2009

Doc Hormone Invents A Life Saving Device...Prepares to Receive Nobel Peace Prize in 2009!

In the last year, Doctor Greg Hormone went into a deep reclusive state over the depression of losing his lovely wife Eugenia on June 2 2008. After several months of meditative rehabilitation, Doctor Hormone has finally begun his work again as a dedicated research scientist.

As always with inventors, the challenge is not in the inventing of any given project or life saving tool, but in the implementation and marketing of that tool. Money plays a big role in getting something wonderful into the hands of the world community, which is why the continent of Africa didn't see the Hoola Hoop until 1995! Actually the Watusi tribe invented the Hoola Hoop in 1435 according to Commander Cooke in his ships log /journal from the HMS Scaberdee, but they wouldnt see it refined and marketed commercially until much later.

This is why Doctor Hormone's most recent endeavor is such breaking news! With the help of Mr. Davison, the inventors friend consumate, The world will finally be safe from poisonous bug and snake bites while hiking and camping!

Please read on, through the introduction of my new friend Mr. Davison and into the details of my newest and most profound idea to save humanity from certain death while walking through the perils of the planet!

I think you will all agree that The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize awaits me, like a crown waits for a prince...Like a lamb awaits the sacraficial a young 9 year old awaits a pedophile...well maybe not that...

Please read the story below!...

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Doctor Greg Hormone’s 2009 Survivor Poison Sucking Kit.
Respectfully submitted January 05, 2009:

Dear G. Davison,

I’m banking on 2009 being the Year of the Tiger for me...I have lots of great ideas brewing but perhaps the one that will earn me the Nobel Peace Prize is this one:

Nobody likes to get stung or bitten by a poisonous animal or insect while camping or hiking but it happens!

I recently learned that the Common Sea Lamprey (Petromyzon marinus) can suck fluids at an incredible rate! The sea lamprey will suck the body fluids out of a large fish. A special chemical in the sea lamprey’s saliva will keep the wound in the fish open until the fish dies. The saliva from the sea lamprey can keep the wound open for hours or weeks. Only 1 out of 7 fish attacked by a sea lamprey will survive.

With the teeth on their tongues, they scrape a hole in their victim's skin and feed. Sea Lampreys live in salt water but spawn in freshwater streams where they build nests of pebbles. After spawning, the adults die. The young lampreys swim downstream and bury themselves in the mud, where they live for several years. As they transform into adults, they develop eyes and teeth and become parasites. It’s a beautiful picture!

Now, while the lamprey is dangerous to fish who have no arms to remove the predator, we people can simply remove the lamprey once all of any poison from a bug or snake has been thoroughly removed, and the eel can then be discarded along the forest trail like any other garbage the hiker no longer needs, i.e. empty cans, cigarette packs, spent condoms etc.

My invention is a special freeze dried package of these eels in a common freezer grade plastic bag like a Glad bag or such, filled with frozen salt water, which can be readily thawed out on the campfire or even a microwave oven if the camper has one handy.

Once the eels are thawed and ready to work, simply place them strategically around the wound, and let the sucking begin!

Once the poison has been eradicated, and the victim is feeling well enough, he can remove the lamprey with a common bic lighter or an ice pick (care is recommended in using the picking method so as not to create additional puncture wounds that may become infected.) The Bic lighter is best as it will help to cauterize the wound (be sure all of the poison is gone before sealing the wound)

I do have some design issues that I will need help with here:

How to keep from singeing the eels during the thawing process, over the campfire.

How to keep the hungry little fellows from eating each other once they have thawed but are still in the plastic bag, and how to safely remove them and place them on the victims wound without losing a finger or two.

Also, how to keep salt water frozen. I understand that this is presently not very easy especially in the Grand Canyon during summer.

Since these creatures are abundant in the Connecticut River and the Great Lakes, finding them should be simple enough, and I believe I have a solution to the collection of them.

The American Scientific Society of Masochistic Endeavors of Nobility A.S.S.M.E.N. often rally to such a noble cause in the name of martyrdom, and I’m sure we could recruit several candidates from this organization who would be willing to submerge their bare arms into the mud where the little creatures sleep awaiting their next meal. The collectors would be able to draw them out of the mud along the banks of the Great Lakes, dozens at a time!

Since these creatures have become prolific, and are now crawling out of the water onto the banks of nearby farms and eating the cows and other livestock, removing a few for a medical project that could save the lives of campers and hikers across Americas trails would only be a win-win situation!

I smell a Nobel Peace Prize here! G, you gotta help me to do this for all mankind! I realize that not all of the projects that you help to bring to fruition will end in glory, but I think…as one fellow inventor to another, you must have some strong feelings about my current project. Please feel free to contact me as I feel you are going to be my ground floor man!

I’m looking forward to our meeting of the minds very soon!

Very Best Regards,

Doctor Greg Hormone
Inventor At Large

Thank you for your submission.

Your idea has been securely submitted to Davison. The first step of our process is to review every concept and determine whether it fits within the scope of our services.
A Director of New Products will usually try to contact you within 3 to 5 business days to discuss your idea at no cost. Please understand the professional staff at Davison is working to review your idea and will contact you as soon as possible.

Thank you, Mr. Davison, Founder and CEO of Davison