Sunday, March 18, 2007

Hormone Offers Shrunken Head Celeb Dolls on His Website

Well kids, I am proud to announce that coming very soon to the Doctor Hormone "Shit For Sale" page at my website, are some new innovative products including the collectable set of Anna Newclitoris Smith, and Brittany Smears shrunken head dolls!

These beauties are one of a kind and serialized as official collector items. As you might guess because they are originals they are rare (only one of each) and as a result, rather expensive, but for that perfect gift for that special person, you cant do better than this!

As an honorable journalist I will not rat out my sources, but getting these items was no easy task, so thanks to "Fed-er-a-Line" and "Howard K. Sperm" I am able to offer these fine collectables as listed below:

So there you have it...The newest collection from Doctor Hormone...staying busy here at the insane asylum...check in with me often, as there is always something interesting going on!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Doctor Hormone's Multiplex Drug Under Fire From The FDA

As we expected, the FDA immediately attacked our claims for miraculous results from the use of Multiplex (tm) The new miracle drug from Doctor Greg Hormone's laboratories!

We claimed in our ads that MULTIPLEX (tm) would cure all youalls ills! But The FDA took deference to our claims and now we are in a Federal Courtroom to defend our claims.

Let me start by saying that we never ever ever ever claimed that it would really work 100% all the time. The results that were sighted were anecdotal examples of what might occurr!

After all, if youre borne with a short horn, I mean uh...sorry thats probably your lot in life...we cant really make your pud grow from .025" to a massive 6" wanger! Pleeeeeeeease! are you really that stupid? If you are that much of a dumb dick why do you need to be any larger than life?

There have been some allegations of blindness and nausea, as well as complications delivering children and bowel movement anomalies....41" turd deliveries etc...

Doctor Hormone Industries makes no claim to the guaranteed success of our product ( did I not say that before?) Nor do we now lay claim to any allegations that your libido, penis size, asthma, skin complexion, spelling abilities, eye color, or hair restoration would actually change or improve.

We only suggested that it might change or improve!

The additional allegations that our product may actually cause hair loss, blindness, insanity, or impotency are totally without any substantiation whatsoever!

While a testing by the American Medical Association did indicate that 70% of our recipients did experience some level of these symptoms, it is no proof whatsoever that the product may be dangerous! We seriously question their results!

My father, the famous Doctor Guillermo Himmler has often said that "You cant have all winners!"

As I have often said,

"Conclusive proof of guilt only occurs when all avenues of escapism from guilt have been totally exhausted, both medically, professionally, and politically and you have run out of lies that work for you, your audience or both!"

In spite of all that has occurred, I soon hope to design a cure for a disease that does not yet exist! I will invent the disease, and then invent the cure or vaccine! I will call the disease AIDS.

This is the doctor that I am!... Greg Hormone -1968"

I hope that my dedication to medical science will convince those of you that have subscribed to MULTIPLEX (tm) to continue to use our product...

Dont worry about the clumps of hair in the sink alongside your pieces of lung tissue that you are coughing up each morning...this is normal for a few weeks!

If you have any questions about the product or symptoms, please call our hotline anytime between 11:00am and 2:00pm Mondays-Wednesdays!


- Doctor Greg Hormone