Sunday, February 26, 2006

Hitachi and the DZ MV230A Ultravision Digital Video Camcorder...You Suck!

Hitachi.... See how I just started this one off with the enemy?

These idiot ass clowns started the war by doing what they do best...dumping some technological hooey on the shores of America with their worthless crapball technological junk!

Ok, dont get me wrong...some of their stuff is not bad, but some of their stuff is just plain better than the lousy crap toys they used to peddle when crackerjack was still looking for junk toys to put into the boxes of their stale popcorn along with two peanuts covered in stale caramel.

Heres the junk.....

For any of you suckers that bought a Hitachi DZ MV230A Ultravision Digital Video Camcorder...I feel for you! I feel your pain! This was like Pearl Harbor all over again!

You got clobbered for about $1000.00 for the worst piece of electronic junk that was ever made! Ever!

For this, the entire company of Hitachi should commit Hari Kari! They slammed this worthless piece of junk onto the market with no regard for the fact that it was premature and ill developed....

The integration into the video market was not even considered at all! This crap camera is limited in every way! Its like the Viagra of Video cameras!

They slammed this piece of junk onto the market as fast as they could to get an opening in the market for Digital Video cameras. Too bad they had 8 year old idiots design it....

The software for the integration into movie conversion was never developed and not even available...but they sold this garbage with the promise that you could convert it to PC DVD media....

Liars! try to find a way to connect your DZ MV230A Ultravision Digital Video Camcorder to your PC! I dare you!

I spent the last 3 days trying to find a way to get anything worthwhile out of this crap-box with a lens!

Even the media disks are confusing...if you buy the wrong mode of disk, it will work or not, depending on the humidity or the ood the camera is in.

Hitachi is now on my list of crap junk that I will never buy again. I reccomend that you all stay away from anything made by Hitachi.

If they are looking for a sword to fall upon in mine!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Let The Cartoons Begin! Fuuuuuuckk Iran!

What a wonderful world we live in!

In the past few weeks, the world has been turned upside down by the raging anger of the Islamic community who have been deeply offended by some cartoons that depict the representation of the Prophet Muhammed (oooops! am I allowed to say his name?) in cartoon form.

This rage and anger from the same people who have publicly supported the lopping of human heads of their innocent captives, strapping bombs to thier children to destroy the lives of other innocent bus riders and cafeteria goers, and the public burning in effigy of Western World leaders mainly US President Bush...

These are some of the same folks who were laughing and dancing in the streets with their children when 2 planes crashed into the World Trade Centers buildings on September 11 2000, and another into the Pentagon, and one more crashing on a mission to hit the White House, killing 3000 Americans.

Now comes the Dirty Dozen...12 cartoons that depict the Prophet Mohammed (oooops! I said his name in public again...Im dead!) In defamatory situations that have brought the Islamic World to a boil....

And now theyre angry....Heres what I think:

1) Everyone who can draw, even if you can't draw (better in fact,) draw a cartoon of the am I in trouble here or what?

2) Let Iran develope the nuclear bomb! Hell yeah! Let em! Given their performance at everything else they have done, they will likely blow their whole fuckin country to smithereeens and then we will be rid of them!

In fact, we should apologize for interfering with their efforts, and offer some technological mis-information to help them reach disasterous heights in nuclear technology! Ka-fackin-BOOOOOOOOOOM!

Make sure that their scientists have all the Heroin they need while developing thier bomb! Keep em stoned! Nothing like a scientist on a camel, and smack to make the country of I-ran safe!

17 virgins, here we come!....

Well thats it for me...Im off to write my own living will...hope you enjoyed my last cartoon...

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Super Stupid Bowl 40 in New Falluja 2006

Well here we are in Detroit, Michigan…covering the Stupid Bowl 2006. “Super Duper Stupid Bowl 40”

The City of Detroit has not seen so much money at one time since the federal government provided emergency management during the summer riots of 1967.

Detroit Metro Airport had a very difficult time accommodating so many people coming “in” to town. But all seems to have gone reasonably well, only two murders in Detroit the day before.

Sort of a moratorium in New Falluja for the games! What a great place!

But the highlight of the Stupid Bowl was the ½ time show! The Rolling Stones! What energy! The only thing more exciting were the violent commercials with at least 11 people getting sacked in their office environments while chasing Budweiser Beer….

I thought a good commercial would have been the Budweiser wagon rolling down Woodward Avenue in Detroit, and a couple of bums running across the street fleeing the local Bum Clubbing Sportsters, then as one of the Clubbers takes a swing, he accidentally clobbers one of the Clydesdales and as the camera fades to black, the caption scrolls across the marquis….

“Even Detroit likes to knock down a few Budweisers now and then”

The horse drops to the ground, and the camera fades to black….sweet!

So much for my advertising career! I had the opportunity to chat with Keith Richards during the ½ time show…Well not directly…I couldn’t have understood him in person anyway…anyone ever hear that guy talk? But I did drop him an email during the show and here’s how it went.

Now, to be honest, Keith never did actually respond to my ½ time interview, but if he had, Im guessing the interview would have gone something like this:

Doctor Hormone = D.H.

What Keith Richards Might Have Said If He Actually Responded = W.K.R.M.H.S.I.H.A.R.

D.H. Hey Keith, Doc Hormone here from the good old USA. I just finished watching your set during the 1/2 time and I wondered why I couldnt hook up with you on a video cam...dont you guys carry your laptops with you on tour?

W.K.R.M.H.S.I.H.A.R. Nmpph. Ir git tom muphim thre git blast o the frkin liptap wuz enthefrigginfritz bugga!

D.H. I couldnt help but marvel at the classic showmanship of The Stones...what a band! Rock And Rolls prettiest people. I noticed that Bill Wyman was not in the lineup...
What happened to Bill? Like the Monkey’s Peter Nesbith he was the cute one…what is his fav color?

W.K.R.M.H.S.I.H.A.R. How the fuck should I know his fav culr? Hez git neafrbrob le killinme wet you git questns, ya gobbin git! Fockoff!

D.H. Ive been out of the universe on business for a bit...did I miss something? Is he no longer with the band? I hope he is ok.

W.K.R.M.H.S.I.H.A.R. Fackoff ya gobbin get! Ya jacktersfoff wida hammer ya do…Stupid yankfuk jackflashin asssuker.

D.H. Why didnt you guys do "Time is On My Side?" It would have been appropriate since it was 1/2 time...Get it?

W.K.R.M.H.S.I.H.A.R. Yeah…Didn’t think ovit mefers me got git to gsarbin the glank offit in the thyme weeeaaad ya know? Buuuurrrrp.

D.H. You looked fantastic as always! I think you would look great on a Wheaties box. Have they approached you yet? If not...fucking why?

W.K.R.M.H.S.I.H.A.R. Fockoff ya gobbin twinkie! Whats wit yur focking miiind anywaaay? Dya fock sheep oar whaaat?

D.H. Well its the 3rd qtr now, and I wondered if you had any projections on the outcome of the game or any sideline suggestions for the know, like should they put Roger Staubach in to quarterback for Roethlisberger since his name is easier to spell, or should The Stones go in as a special team for Seattle in overtime if the game gets that far along.

W.K.R.M.H.S.I.H.A.R. Iffin da flubbin coachezdid wotdey waz paydtudu deyeda fixing demup to winnit anna fekun differcult ta fokin say…really….(takes a long drag off his smoke) annum deywudda heditt in the foist goroun but get yer gobbin shiite together ya folkin gobs, I mean who folkin gits this yankee soccer anywayz ya know?

D.H. In closing, will you be doing any personal public service announcements? I heard a rumor that you might be doing something with the Drug Abuse Resistance Education D.A.R.E. program.

W.K.R.M.H.S.I.H.A.R. Fak no! Fakoff ya gobbin get! Inot stobbin me life for no shiiite fakin homostastic faggot assed rehab Shiite! Fakkoff! No.

D.H. I was informed that you might sell out, and become the poster child for this D.A.R.E. program. Im sure that im wrong here...please clarify...Will we soon see you in posters with a big red circle drawn through your face?

W.K.R.M.H.S.I.H.A.R. Git thefok off me! Iii saaaiiid I waznot gittininta no fakin gobbin rehab fukkin Shiite….chrisssakes!

D.H. Regardless of your future plans, Me and my band The White Mud Blues Band who have been rabid fans of you guys forever, will continue to support the Bad Boy image of you and brother Stones, Mic, Ron, Charlie, and the brother on bass...where's Bill though?

W.K.R.M.H.S.I.H.A.R. Fakkoff!

D.H. Hey, gimme a call when you can talk. If you guys can hang around Detroit for a few weeks, White Mud means to do a 36 year reunion in April. Maybe we can hook up and have you join us.

- Greg Hormone