Saturday, April 30, 2005

Testing the blog site....

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Staying A'tet of the News....

Well, in keeping a'breast of the news:

WASHINGTON — In a surprising turnaround, federal health advisers Wednesday recommended allowing silicone-gel breast implants to return to the U.S. market after a 13-year ban on most uses of the devices — but only under strict conditions that will limit how easily women can get them.

FDA's advisers said Wednesday that Mentor , a major provider of breast implants, had performed more convincing research that the implants only rarely break shortly after they're inserted — about 1.4 percent over three years — and showed some evidence that they may last as long as 10 years. Whoopeedooo! what happens after that? A rotate and balance?

They stressed that sales should resume only if Mentor meets some strict conditions:

1. Prospective patients must sign consent forms acknowledging implant risks, including that they ultimately may break and require removal or replacement. Like a freaking tire only how much wear and tear does a titty get? Will they require a disclaimer label like a pack of ciggarettes?

2. Mentor may sell silicone implants only to board-certified plastic surgeons who complete special "hands-on" training to insert implants in a way that minimizes odds of breakage. Ill sign up for that training...Hell even if I fail, the training has got to be lots of fun right?

3. Only one implant to a customer. Well now, thats confusing...does that mean what I think it does? Does the patient get to pick the left or the right?

Im picturing a lot of left leaning or right leaning Babes in the popular magazines of the day...do we get 1/2 off on the purchase of these mags since they will only be showing half as much?

What about Siamese twins who perscribe to a breast enhancement operation? By the way, does Blue Cross now cover this surgery? Or at least 1/2 of it?

What happens to the old "2 For The Price of One" sales on breast implant surgery?

I say, "Ban Rubber Cans." They look painful, and probably are, and now that the FDA has rules to regulate them, they are probably government property and illegal to touch, fondle, spindle, or mutilate much like your tax return which is not much fun anymore either...

There will likely be a new tax on "Titty touching" and I for one am not willing to pay another tax for another something that I rarely get to use, but only look at from afar. Its like paying a tax for a federally funded bridge in New Jersey....

Ill never get to use it, and only see it in a magazine or even if they were in my own bedroom, ill probably have to buy a Sunpass transponder, and pay as I go....

I hate how government works these days....didnt we fight a revolutionary war to curtail all these taxes? Next it will be a tax on penal implants and I will get taxed everytime I take a leak!

Aside from Mentor's three-year breakage study, the panelists found reassuring research from a British doctor who tracked 100 of his own patients and found 5 percent of Mentor implants had broken by around nine years. Freaking peachy...

So, Im copping a feel on a nine year old rubber boobie when it explodes, and I end up with a faceful and eyes full of bloody textile byproduct, and as the wounded bird is laying aside me, screaming and spewing petrol fuel all over the bed, my only recourse is to wait in line to sue another pharmecutical crook who has blinded me by virtue of their negligent production of yet another defective product? An exploding rubber boobie?

I say no! "No more rubber titties!" At least not without safety glasses! Lets think this thing out man!

FDA scientists said the British research was skewed because it included only volunteers and excluded women at high risk of implant rupture because of rocklike scar tissue.
More troubling, when women in Mentor's study chose to have their implants removed and not replaced, they were dropped from the study, Newburger said. That means no one knows if those women continued to suffer side effects.

What about the bystanders? What about me? What the fuck?

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Jacko's new toy...Wojtyla's New Career...

I want to start by first apologizing for my recent harsh attacks on everyone on the planet...I need to calm down...Things arent that bad...It was a nice day in miami today aside from the obnoxious fools driving in this town, and the senseless graft and corruption...

The news media had a great week, and I only spent $39.00 to refill my truck with gas today...

The Pope has slipped away quietly, and (in a puff of smoke, so to speak) has launched a brand new career in the real estate game...



As he explained to me from his secret villa in South America (that is all I can give you on his location) he was just ready to move on to a new career with less responsibility and ready for more "Fun" in his life.

Johnny Paul, (as he now goes by) has started a small brokerage and would appreciate all of your interest in investment opportunities. Hey! Im not makin this up!



On the darker side of life, Michael "Jacko" Jackson has decided to release a new product, to help fund his defense trial...Its a doll. A replica of himself which is anatomically correct...(no nose) that you can pull the string on the back and it will tickle you and fondle you, then blow you.

You have to be under age 12 to purchase the doll, and it has a pocket where the nose would otherwise be, so you can hide your crack pipe. It comes with accessories too, a small flask of "Jesus juice" and a dirty magazine, autographed by The Jacko himself.

Its part of the new Neverland Collection which will be available in department stores by May 1st.


Attorney, Johnny "Cockoran" was unusually silent on the matter.

Friday, April 01, 2005

1...2...3...Goodnight!

1. We've got to say good riddance to the sleezy attorney Johnny Cocksuckoran. One less sleezy ratfuck attorney is always a good thing. I have to admire his timing for dying during a week of celebrity deaths, at least he goes out with a crowd of other famous dead people...other than that...he has no honorable credentials...I wouldnt buy one of his three piece suits for a dollar in the auction they will have to pay for his funeral...see you in hell liar...



2. Teresa Schaivo, good night sweet lady...what a shame you had to be exploited by the Papporazzi of American press...even predicting your death so they could be the first to report it...filthy fucking vultures...there was no dignity here at all...no where! You could have and should have been entitled to a dignified death, but everyone involved took that away from you.

What a sad, sad story yours was...the lesson here is that we are all bugs...just bugs...just trying to deal with other bugs who are dying...



3. Then comes the "Pope" who rode out the Tsunami of "death week" so he could be the star of the show...This was just a man...he had some neat stage outfits....( I would love to have that hat man!) but beyond making some cool parades in his bullet proof SUV, and proclaiming some obscure Catholic thingys....he was just a guy...

Some new guy will be voted in to speak in latin, wear a funny hat, and hide Easter eggs for the demented of the world...His epitaph will read...

A Bad Peter kills Pope John Paul...

Hell his name wasnt even John Paul...it was Karol Usef Wojtyla...Im guessing he became Pope just so he could get a better name, for Christs sake! No Pope since the first has ever been confirmed to be the direct lineage of The Apostle Peter, so its all bullshit anyway...its just some guy in an ancient reality show...running the biggest non-business in the world....outside of the control of the Governments or regulatory agencies of the world, but in charge of some of most flagrant abuse on the planet...



He could have gone on Jeapordy and won a few grand, but noooo....he had to have the funny hat, and the Latin hooyee...etc...

I am willing to pay $350.00 on Ebay for the fuckin hat...not a penny more!

In fact, im not sure he is really even dead...I Think he is just sneaking out of the job...I wouldnt be surprised if shows up somewhere in South America, in a sharp 3 pieced suit ( he and Johnny Cocksuckeran were the same size) as a stock broker and makes a killing on futures in the oil market.

If Johnny Cocksuckeran shows up in a funny hat and pajamas...in Rome, I am leaving the planet! Im done man!

I leave Cody in charge of all of my shit...please lay me down on a land mine somewhere in New Falluja...what a fuckin circus! Amen! Yank my feeding tube before they plug it in!

Dominoes, Dominoes....whos got the dominoes...amen....

Who gives a fuck? Nobody makes a difference...Tomorrow thousands of other nameless other people will die...we are bugs!

Amen-