Friday, December 31, 2004

Cody's Christmas Cold!

Poor tired old Cody...He's all pooped out from a busy Christmas season. I had to take him over to the vet to get his bum hole stitched from all of the Christmas Crap he made for his Gift Baskets and such.

While he was over there he caught a cold from another dog, a Cuban dog in fact. They never bathe or anything...So anyway now Cody who is 13 years old, blind in one eye, and deaf in both ears...lost his voice and cant bark, and has a hard time breathing...

What the hell kind of vetinary hospital lets a dog catch a cold while he is there for treatment? The Vet explained it this way:

"It's like when you take your child to day care and another kid there sneezes on him and he gets ones fault really it just fuckin happened."

But I argue that "He wasn't in "Day Care" he was in the hospital! Youre not supposed to go to the hospital to get sick...your'e supposed to go to the hospital to get well!"

So now, he cant see, cant hear, cant speak, wont come when you call him...hes all pooped out...Im thinkin about selling him to the glue factory like they did with Boxer the Horse in Animal Farm...

Anyone want an old dog? He can spell his name with his feces...did I mention that?

Im betting he'd make about a gallon of good sticky gooey glue.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Justice and Power Split Paths...

Doctor Hormone rarely engages in any serious political discussion about anything going on on this planet, mainly because I dont know if we as human beings take ourselves seriously enough to waste the bandwidth...

But I feel compelled to react to an observation I had recently about the daily news...

Over the last year, every scum sucking crudball who could hope to gain a crotch hair of noteriety tapping into the Lacy-Peterson trial has done so...

The American public has suffered through months of agonizing viewing of this sad episode in humanity...Agonizing for several reasons...

First, yes it was a sad and tragic event, and evil at the core...some creep who decides to kill off his pregnant wife and child because he is too cowardly to say "Goodbye" to her face...and finds it easier to just destroy her life and the life of his own child. Worthless prick...he got what he deserves.

Very sad...

But sadder yet was the fact that this slimy little prick who, in spite of getting the highest paid shark in a 3 piece suit was still a victim of the media's obscene lust for an easy soap style story...while people like Abu Al Zarkawi the murdering Al Queda terrorist has promoted his own publicity by releasing tapes of his beheadings of innocent victims.

And meanwhile, the mainstream media, and law enforcement has not captured this worthless piece of human excrement, and destroyed him...Here is the #1 part of Zarkawi's plan:

4. Plan of action: after much inquiry and discussion, we have narrowed our enemy to four groups:
A. Americans as you know, these are the biggest cowards that god has created and the easiest target. And we ask god to allow us to kill, and detain them, so that we can exchange them with our arrested shaykhs and brothers.

Here is a mad animal who is rabid with hatred for people he has never met. In 1940, this country went into an organized rage against the tyrrany of Adolph Hitler for the same reasons we should be focusing on finding and destroying this monster...Slit him open while he is still alive and fill his gut with pig entrails! Force him to eat pig shit and bacon....then riddle him with bullets.

We bombed Berlin back then when many innocent people still lived there, because we were trying to end that tyrrany! It wasnt pretty but it was the method we had at our disposal to end it. The world agreed. It ended, with the monster dead in the bunker.

So now, we sit softly and relish in our victory to dispatch a little monster who killed his his pregnant wife and unborne child, and the media and whoever else is in charge, hopes to feed us this inadequate opiate of vengance as a placebo to the pain we feel about our world lost...

Its a cheap shot...and I frankly, am still hungry for some "Payback"....from the real world criminals!

The power of those that are the real criminals of the world, (not that Peterson is innocent) has distracted us from pursuing the true villans of the planet that deserve our true attention.

Who will be the next placebo for our pain and anguish over the indiscriminate hatred that continues, while scum like Al Zakarwi work on, behind the headlines of the Lacy-Peterson Trial?
The Lacy Peterson Trial was bad news but not frontpage headline bad news worth a year of our attention!... We have other bigger uglier enemies that need to be destroyed, slaughtered, killed.

Cut the bullshit...get on with the business of slaughtering our real enemies!

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Government Intervention Tries to Ruin Christmas Once Again!

Well...well...well. It's no surprise that the U.S. Government and the do-gooder P.C. whiners would sick the hounddogs of government policing on White Mud Blues Band!

We launch a Christmas Holiday product inventory to help poor people celebrate the season, and in comes the U.S. Gestapo (The F.D.A.) to tell us that our "Christmas Shit Bucket" is in violation of health rules!

OOOOOhhh Pleeeease! First of all Codys fecal art is not for human consumption! It says so on the bucket! WARNING: "Please do not eat the shit!" Ok?

Second, even if it were eaten, by is all FDA approved since the shit is made directly from FDA approved dogfood that I bought at the grocery store! Not only are the ingredients FDA approved, but Cody has been petted and therefore "Blessed" by an authentic Orthodox Rabbi to produce...if you will...Kosher Christmas Dogshit! Im not making this up...

These Christmas turds that are included in the packages of our inventory, while not showing any distinct resemblance to the Virgin Mary or murals of the Last Supper, do have a significant role in the celebration of the holidays....

Cody's Christmas Crap Collection is "special" in that, it is not unlike the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich! It is assumed that it is not meant to be eaten! Would you eat a 10 year old grilled cheese sandwich that has an image of The Virgin Mary on it? Even though it has no mold on it?

So why would the FDA need to enforce a "Consumption Restriction Rule" on some dogshit?

Im confident that, even without the warnings, nobody short of some 4 year old idiot from Detroit would endeavor to eat the decorations out of Cody's Christmas Crap Bucket?"

Are there warnings on the glass Christmas ornaments that are sold in Walmarts?

WARNING: Please do not eat these glass ornaments as they may cause a sore throat?"

Ok...lets suppose that some dummys might choose to actually eat the ornaments included in the "Codys Christmas Crap Bucket" So what? what would happen? would they be any worse off than those who consumed the FDA approved Vioxx?

No! Cody's turds are as safe as "Playdough" They are made of a pure soy product, and and occasional piece of steak (Grade A, USDA approved)

We have worked hard to have these Holiday packages meet the scrutiny of political correctness...there are Kwanza Krap Kits, there is the Christmas Crap Bucket, there is the Muslim Mong Package, there is the Kosher Ka Ka Kit, there is the Anal Accessories for Atheists Gift Pac...

Besides...its all fat free and meets all of the AMA reccomendations and if you do accidentally swallow a turd, they are filled with vitamins!

Cmon! Were just trying to make a fucking living here! Cody is stressed out...hes been shitting 12-15 times a day to meet his quota...Im force feeding him like a Colonel Saunders Kentucky Chicken just to get him to dump enough doo-doo to get these gifts out to the children!

Now the freakin FDA and USDA has stepped in to tell me I need to spend another 3.5 mil to put warning labels on the buckets? Im trying to make a lousy $237.35 to buy Christmas presents! This is bullshit!

This is all the warning Im going to give you people! Ready?


This product was originally meant to be promoted as an organic, environmentally safe product to help people all over the world celebrate a world common holiday! But no....Now we have to make apologies for our shit product!

Fine! Merry Christmas from Cody and Doctor Hormone!

Friday, December 03, 2004

Cody's Christmas Shit Bonanza!

Well, were happy to report that Doctor Hormone and Cody have found great success in their joint venture making Christmas Shit Gift packages for the holiday season. We wanted to make sure that all of our gifts were going to be politically correct so there are many different assortments...

Now, shitloving christians, jews, muslims, wiccans, and even shitloving serial killers can all enjoy a big bag of shit for the holidays!

Shit For Everyone! Merry Christmas! Buckets of shit!

And for you scat freaks from across the globe, a log cabin made of Cody's finest!

Its all here! Merry Shitmas from Cody and Doctor Hormone!

Order now...we have PlayPal...

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Doctor Hormone Changes His Execution Plans For Cody!

Breaking News!

Doctor Hormone has decided to give Cody The Amazing Wonderdog a repreive from execution!

After several hours of negotiation with the young Cub Scout who so bravely stepped up to save Codys life, Doctor Hormone has decided to instead enter into a joint business venture with The Wonderdog, manufacturing some wonderful Holiday Gift Kits...

Cody has agreed to help produce some beautiful Christmas Packages...sort of like the baskets you might get from Hallmark or something...

In the spirit of the holidays, we will be making several thousand of these to offer the public, our fans, for you to send to friends and family, and that special boss who has treated you so well all year.

And to be Politically correct, we will label these for any and all denominations creeds and colors, with special holiday greetings including those shown below!

Merry Christmas Scrooge!
Happy Kwanza Shitbag!
Happy Hanukka! Have a Tootsie Roll!
Have a Nice Ramadan, Loser!
Happy Winter Solstice Witch!
Have a Nice Non Holiday, PC Asshole!

Order a Holiday Shit Basket today! They are only $49.95! Discounts for group orders!

Anyway, we have decided that Cody still has at least the season to make his master a rich man, and as orders pour in, we will endeavor to make this a happy holiday season...

So...Cody will be spared at least through the Holiday season, and if all goes well maybe on into 2005. Otherwise, if orders go poorly, I shoot the dog on January 1 2005!

Place your order today, to help save Codys life!