Saturday, November 27, 2004

Can This Cubscout Save Cody From His Christmas Demise?

As Christmas draws ever near, all the world watches... Can The Beloved Cody enjoy one more lousy Christmas without being smitten into the world of obnoxoius dead rock stars?

Likely not...but then, emerges a new young heroe among the ranks of young punk super heroes... Sir Martin who, in the name of super heroes...demands the safe harbor of Cody, the Magnificient Wonderdog!

This young wonderful cubscout Martin has laid down his own life (so to speak) in the name of Cody The Wonderdog, promising to make up the difference of the ransom for Cody's life....

So far, not one ratfucker has offered one red dog cent to save his pathetic ass. I Doctor Hormone have only asked for $235.75, to keep him from a bullet through his worthless rotten fucking skull!

But Scout Martin has offered every cent of his hard earned money, by pimping his pet Panther Shiela on the streets of Mount Clemens to save Cody....What a fuckin guy!

Martin has even gone as far as offering every penny of the $35.00 he expects to make while playing in the 2005 White Mud Blues Band Reunion to save Cody...

This is a true fucking American Heroe!

As far as the rest of you worthless ratfuck bastards are concerned, Im gonna shoot Cody anyhow, on Christmas morning, right after he opens his only present! A grenade!

Well. Merry Xmas from White Mud! This is how we start the New Year! Martins noble effort is still not enough to save the furry ass of Cody the Shit Monster...

I will send Martin the severed head of Cody for Christmas for his noble effort.

Amen! #235.435.332-A7

Monday, November 22, 2004

Recipe for Baked Cody Paw...

I figured since I'd be shooting Cody on Christmas Eve any way, might as well start eating him now... Well just eat one foot for now...

Im going to cook up a delicious Thanksgiving Dogpaw pie.

Here's the recipe for a delicious "Thanksgiving Dogpaw Pie":

1 drop of Dave's Insanity Hot Sauce...
1 cup of Vodka ( Stoley's)
3 cups of brown rice
1 can of Pumpkin Paste
2 pounds of sugar
1 can of Labatts beer
1 tblspn of cumin
2 oz. of butter
1 cup of honey
1 tsp. of salt
1 tblspn of pepper
2 oz. of Ivory Soap
1 twizzle stick (strawberry)
1 Dogpaw shaved and skinned...(for this recipe we will use the left front paw) He doesnt use this one much these days...

Mix all the ingredients as you see fit...

Mix untill you are sick to your stomache, then put into the oven or barbecue if you prefer...for a long time...Serve with a sauce made of Oreo Cookies and onions and garlic...

There is no way Cody could ever taste good, so this recipe is just a way to honor his left paw...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Stay tuned for the Christmas Eve Shooting...WHERES MY FUCKING MONEY?

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Cody Has Hours To Live....


Im serious about this shit...

Cody The Amazing Wonderdog has worn out his welcome! I'm going to blow his worthless fucking brains out at the end of the night on December 24, 2004 if I dont get some cooperation...
I have been the custodian of his stupid silly little "Crap Art Festival" since God knows when...

I am now poised to make my big buck, by blasting his worthless little life into the next world online...unless I make my fortune by unreasonable demands met by you...the stupid suckers reading this blog!

I origionally demanded $105.75 for compensation for all of the hard work that I did to promote Cody and his stupid Patio Shit Art....

Well I'm no fool... it quickly occurred to me that I grossly under rated the amount of money I demanded to keep this little bastard alive!

I now, will only keep Cody alive without blowing his worthless little carcass into next Tuesday if you send me a total of $235.00! Thats right! $235.00! The price has gone up! Im no fool!

If I dont have $235.00 wait $235.75 by December 24th, the fucking dog gets it! I will personally blast his worthless little carcass into the next world!

If the Christmas spirit dwells among you better start counting your money, cause Im shooting the mutt on Xmas Eve if I dont have $235.75 by then, the exact amount I plan to spend for Christmas presents this year for everyone I know!

I mean it! Ill shoot the little mutherfucker at the Christmas dinner table and film it for post Xmas video film sales if I dont get my way!

$235.75! Not a penny more or a penny less! If I dont have the exact amount by 11:59 pm on December 24th 2004, I will blast this little furry sonofabitch into the next world and film it!

You can be part of the problem or part of the solution... I am not available for negotiation on this matter!

But if you want to chat about anything else, give me a call..

-Doctor Greg Hormone...

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Cody's Patio Shit Art is a Worldwide Hit!

Recently, I reviewed the hits to my website, and noticed that Cody The Amazing Wonderdog has become a Global Star! People from all over the world are tuning into see his Fecal Art Gallery on my web page! Imagine...the world flocking to view dogshit!

This pathetic little four legged furrball has made a name for himself by crapping on my patio and sleeping for most of his wretched little life! This while I continue to work my ass off as his lowly publisher and "Canvass Cleaner" hosing his aborted work off of my patio, while he eats and prepares to launch a new art project! And the whole world watches!

This is part of the reason we have not yet achieved world peace! People are too fucking busy viewing Patio Shit Art, instead of doing worthwhile things!

He laughs at me as I struggle to fend my way through life, battling to feed my family and keep the lights on...publishing his hobby.

This while he sleeps, steals the cat food, and dumps worthless feces on my patio. Enough is enough! I have decided to get my piece of the financial pie!

As of tonight, if all of you who have become beloved and loyal fans of the mutt who has deprived me of my literary right to fame and fortune, do not send me a collective $105.75 for all of my hard work raising him, feeding him, cleaning up after him, I will shoot this dog at dawn on Friday morning December 24th! Thats right Christmas Eve!

You can send your checks and cash to Doctor Greg Hormone. But dont delay! Or you will never see any dogshit worth looking at again!

Mail checks to:

Doctor Greg Hormone
12108 SW117 Court

Miami, Florida 33186

I mean it! Send the 105 bucks now or the dog gets it on Christmas Eve! Enough is enough!

By the way, if you send one penny less or one penny more than I asked for...the dog gets plugged! I dont care! I never liked him anyway!

Saturday, November 06, 2004

A Response To A Journalist Whiner....

Aint life grand? Just when you thought life would quiet down and we could all start to get back to being a "Country" again, out come the rats who just didnt get enough of a sewer water douching from this years hate festivities.

I give you Leonard Pitts, professional whiner for the local Miami Socialist Read...The Miami Herald!

Lenny...Lenny Lenny! when do you get enough abuse? In your November 05, diatribe you piddle on, about the end of the world or at least America as you know it...

These could be final days of a nation united ....

You fend off the blame for the stupid idea of your column's theme on one of your readers, and then you go on to acknowledge everything that they predict about "The End of America" anyway.

Is this because you are so angry that the Democlowns have totally lost thier way, and the election that you feel the need to lash out?

I understand...Trust me, its no Humpty Dumpty situation that the Democlowns find themselves in, Its a Clusterfuck! The Democraptic party has spent the last year insulting and assaulting anyone that doesnt agree with the radical agenda that they vomited on this country. And unfortuneately, you lost. Why?....You suck!

There was no plan, no promise, no future, and no America in the fecal campaign rhetoric that your Flag Bearer, the lying longjaw from "Mass of two shits" offered. He blew the deal, along with his pretty boy trial attorney...And now, you whine about leaving the country!

Go ahead! Ill buy you a ticket! I love when the liberals get soo pissed that they threaten to leave! Is that all you got? Hell Id be more pissed if you threatened to stay!

I re-read your article with all of the labels and slogans you assigned to anyone with a different opinion than yours and reflected....hmmm this from a black American who hates to be categorized and pigeon holed because of something he is or does...youre "moe" of a bigot then the people you stump about on your soapbox there at Socialist Central in Miami...

What a whiny freaking hippocrite you are! Maybe we should create a new entitlement program for people who cant handle living in America with ideals different than thier own, even after a majority of voters decided otherwise!

We could call it the "This place sucks, lets go to a third world country thats better, emergency exit relief plan."

We can double tax all people who voted Democraptic since it would only be a service to those angry enough to have voted "Anyone But Bush" and use the money to buy airline tickets for any disgruntled "former Americans" who think this is the end of America, and they could move to any country of their choice...cant come back though.

Democlowns like taxes so it shouldnt be a problem there.

Bottom line guys want to kiss ass on the terrorists of the world, and panzy to every freako left winged fringe group from the 60's who can still whine and hug a fucking tree. Fuck you!

The world is changing. Like that big fat obscene Ford Excursion youre driving? Then either you find some alternative fuel for it, or get with the program!

The world is much bigger, more complicated, and desperate than the idealistic world of 1968.

Better yet, move to Canada, and you can watch America collapse from the across the Detroit River!