Thursday, November 08, 2007

Tis The Season!

Well the worldly holidays are once again in our midst and upon us like locust...(1st Book to the Chlamydians 11:18) Look it up!

Im investing in a 30 lb bag of black coal stones ($7.50) which I will use to send to everyone I know.

Just a black coal stone this year, along with a note that Santa told me they were bad. Or, I might just send everyone a cheap lamp. Imagine Christmas morning when everyone opens my presents to them and it is the exact same fucking lousy cheap $7.00 Captain Jack Sparrow Pirate lamp from Walmart! Sweet!

Either that or, shopping on Ebay for Reindeer hoofs...they make the perfect seasonal gift as they represent the spirit of Scrooge...which I think is high time to promote. Enough with living in this hypocracy...I say we tell it like it is!

In fact I'd like to look at opening a game hunting reserve where you can come and shoot reindeer during the Christmas Holidays...I'll call it the "Bah Humbug Game Reserve"

Hunters will prepay to shoot at selected animals for a fee.....Seasonal Rates from November 1 through December 25.

12 Year Old Zebra...$3900.00 (only one in stock. Take that trip to Africa without risk to AIDS, Ebolla or another tribal uprising! You can bag a zebra without ever leaving the good old USA!Reserve now!)



6 Year Old Mare Qtr horse...$400.00 (0nly one in stock. "They Shoot Horses Dont They?" Reserve now!) * leashed to a tree $50.00 extra.



OTHER STOCK AVAILABLE AT BAH HUMBUG RANCHES:

19 Year Old crippled reindeer....$100.00 each (only 2 left in stock. Reserve now, for the season)
Stray dogs...$35.00 each (75 left for the season)
Stray cats...$20.00 each (200+ left for the season)
Pidgeons...$12-15.00 each (Shooting while still in the cage is $2.00 extra each...1000 in stock)
Assorted aged road kill $3.00 per target bag (Good for still target practice shooting, trust me, you will know when you hit the target!)
Demented mother in laws...$1250.00 each * (tied to a tree $400.00 extra)

* Demented mother in laws can only be hunted after signing a waiver to assume full liability for a felony crime. There are presently only 2 left in stock as these are prized hunting trophy items, but the inventory is always available as many avid hunters are willing to offer their own stock as fodder in exchange for other hunting privledges which are exchangeable in our "Trade Mudders in Law for Fodder Program" which runs throughout the entire season. Call for availability and details.

Live video recording of all your hunting can be purchased as an extra. please contact us for further details....

Trophy dressing is also available at an additional cost however, our staff is not fully trained at this time, so we can only offer mounting of paws, hoofs, hands and feet. Please call for details.

Please be sure to bring your own protective clothing to prevent exposure to disease when the target splatters. Some targets may not be FDA approved for anything.

Any and all weapons are welcome and encouraged! The more creative the shooting, the more memorable the event.

Dont forget our "All Out Bazooka Hunt Event" Every Saturday, during the season, you can hunt anything on the feild with an approved NATO certified bazooka or similar weapon (see details at our web page) for a flat fee of $2500.00 all day! No bazookas are available for rent so its a B.Y.O.B. affair! Hunting Licenses will be checked at the gate beginning at 6:00am each day throughout the season!

Happy Hunting , Happy Holidays!


-Doc

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