Saturday, November 17, 2007

Scratch The New Cat...and Issues...

Dear Dr. Mordaunt,

Recently, we adopted Scratch a little kitten with real bad attitude from Town and Country Animal Hospital in Miami Florida, shortly after our 14.5 year old cocker spaniel Cody The Amazing Wonderdog was layed to rest.

Scratch was supposed to replace the joy that Cody brought us as a young pup, but he initially seemed to have just a little too much 'Vigor' ...Yeah!

We brought him home and after a few days of outgrowing his shyness, he quickly adapted to low level airborne flying through the room, hanging off of the curtains and framed pictures which were mounted high on the walls. I found him one morning, hanging from the edge of a framed wedding photo, tilted and ready to fall off the wall with him hanging from one corner. I wish I had that photo to send's another instead....

After a consultation, we agreed that de-clawing and castration might be the answer to avoid our need to take the Clyde Beatty Crash Course on Cat Training. Our hopes were to calm him down to normal....whatever that might be.

We did have him 'modified' on November 6th this year at TCAH and the surgery went extremely well. He is doing fine and is very healthy. He has become a sweet loving little kitty who is still playful and frisky but no longer flies through the air.

We have put away the oven mittens and protective gear we previously needed to handle him. Our initial scars are healing well.

All is well with his health too, and his interaction with the older cats is now on an even playing field since they are now all declawed and his only remaining advantage is his youth and energy.

However, my dark side compels me to ask some questions. Could he be part Florida Panther? What kind of vitamins was he on? ...Cat Acid? Can we get some more?....Lots? Enough for a cat party?

I know that the castration of male cats causes this mellowness, but I am wondering if it would be possible to restore at least some of the madness this cat enjoyed prior to his gender modification.
If we could reinstall a testicle, so that he would no longer fly onto the wall and hang on pictures, but maybe just fly through the air a little, maybe for 15 or twenty minutes or so each morning. This would be perfect!

Im hoping that by restoring maybe one testicle, he could still be cute and able to fly across the room as he previously did, untill he grows into a weight and size where he eventually outgrows the urge as it becomes less desirable for all of us.

If we cannot re-install his original testicles as I am sure they have been disposed of, would it be possible to perhaps install a bee-bee or a ball bearing? Maybe two, so he would 'click' when he walked through the room and we could know when he is coming, or going?

What about feline steroids?

The male ego is a profound phenomenon of nature in all species and he seems to be a little melancholy about his own loss. I may be imagining things here, that are in fact beyond the psyche of cats in the first place but I just wanted to inquire...

We have trusted your team for several years and you have always been more than excellent in providing loving care to our family so we totally trust any advice you might provide.....

Am I on the ball here or just plain nuts.?

Please feel free to email me at or call me.

Also please enjoy some of our pets antics through the years at my own website and


Anonymous MikeyMoeHawk said...

You know, Cousin Greggy, that "Old Scratch" is another name for The Devil aka Satan aka Lindsey Lohan. Not that I don't like a little pussy every now and then, but Scratch, you ain't no Cody! I think a wiser decision would have been to snare and train a wild possum for a new pet, I mean, after Cody, a kitty is really normal. Of course, I can appreciate you not wanting another canine companion because they DO grow on you like a tumor that won't go away without an operation and of course, you can kill a cat up to 8 times before having to replace it, so that is understandable (however, stay away from the microwave oven with Scratch, because once decomposition happens, you'll be stuck with a "pet cemetary" kitten). Good luck with the new pussy. Got it? GET IT!!!

11/18/2007 03:18:00 PM  

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