Thursday, March 01, 2007

Doctor Hormone's Multiplex Drug Under Fire From The FDA

As we expected, the FDA immediately attacked our claims for miraculous results from the use of Multiplex (tm) The new miracle drug from Doctor Greg Hormone's laboratories!

We claimed in our ads that MULTIPLEX (tm) would cure all youalls ills! But The FDA took deference to our claims and now we are in a Federal Courtroom to defend our claims.

Let me start by saying that we never ever ever ever claimed that it would really work 100% all the time. The results that were sighted were anecdotal examples of what might occurr!

After all, if youre borne with a short horn, I mean uh...sorry thats probably your lot in life...we cant really make your pud grow from .025" to a massive 6" wanger! Pleeeeeeeease! are you really that stupid? If you are that much of a dumb dick why do you need to be any larger than life?

There have been some allegations of blindness and nausea, as well as complications delivering children and bowel movement anomalies....41" turd deliveries etc...

Doctor Hormone Industries makes no claim to the guaranteed success of our product ( did I not say that before?) Nor do we now lay claim to any allegations that your libido, penis size, asthma, skin complexion, spelling abilities, eye color, or hair restoration would actually change or improve.

We only suggested that it might change or improve!

The additional allegations that our product may actually cause hair loss, blindness, insanity, or impotency are totally without any substantiation whatsoever!

While a testing by the American Medical Association did indicate that 70% of our recipients did experience some level of these symptoms, it is no proof whatsoever that the product may be dangerous! We seriously question their results!

My father, the famous Doctor Guillermo Himmler has often said that "You cant have all winners!"

As I have often said,

"Conclusive proof of guilt only occurs when all avenues of escapism from guilt have been totally exhausted, both medically, professionally, and politically and you have run out of lies that work for you, your audience or both!"

In spite of all that has occurred, I soon hope to design a cure for a disease that does not yet exist! I will invent the disease, and then invent the cure or vaccine! I will call the disease AIDS.

This is the doctor that I am!... Greg Hormone -1968"

I hope that my dedication to medical science will convince those of you that have subscribed to MULTIPLEX (tm) to continue to use our product...

Dont worry about the clumps of hair in the sink alongside your pieces of lung tissue that you are coughing up each morning...this is normal for a few weeks!

If you have any questions about the product or symptoms, please call our hotline anytime between 11:00am and 2:00pm Mondays-Wednesdays!

1-305-233-8398.

- Doctor Greg Hormone

4 Comments:

Anonymous M I K E Y ! ! ! said...

FUCK THE FDA! What do they know? It's all about government payoff, that's it. I like to say that FDA stands for "Fuck Dem Assholes". Everyone knows that all the real good products never get FDA approval without a golden handshake (for those of you who might be from Belgium or retards, this means a monetary under-the-table payoff). All the best products are for sale after the cable channels sign off and leave their programming to "PAID PROGRAM" which is a modern way of calling something an infomercial. Klee Irwin of "Deep Cleansing Action" paid programming would never be a household name if it wasn't for his infomercial about cleansing your anal canal with his "BREAKTHROUGH" product (which if your are from Belgium or a retard, this means NOT APPROVED BY THE FDA). What about the Core Rhythms paid programs where toned bodies goof off on a big ass beach ball? You've seen them all, I know it, because like myself, you are starved for entertainment in this modern media age and the only real entertainment one can find is after-hours programming on the infomercial cable channels, or CNN. I forget my original point now, dammit, oh...my medication kicked in...ahhhhhhhhhhh...

Got it? GET IT!!!

3/03/2007 01:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Klee Irwin said...

Thank you for mentioning my products and of course, Paid Programs are what everyone wants to watch these days because you can get an education that the FDA doesn't want you to have. I have the "Deep Cleansing" program which of course removes all the unnecessary poop from your intestines aka colon and basically scrapes the sides clean thanks to the inclusion of metal shavings and corn in our product and now we are introducing the "Penis Enlargement" program coming soon which will make you several times larger than you are already which will put most of you in the "hung like a 2-year-old" category, like myself. Remember, if you have a little penis, you must wear a pencil thin mustache. Thanks for buying and watching.

3/11/2007 09:57:00 AM  
Blogger Mikey Moe Hawk said...

Happy Drunken Irish Dude Day, Cousin Greggy! I know that Sir Martin is tsk, tsking me right now for not appropriately posting this, but you are the only Irish guy I know that will still speak to me, so Happy St. All-Beef-Patties day...like the Irish actually need a yearly holiday to tie one on...CRIPES!

Got it? GET IT!!!

3/17/2007 09:51:00 AM  
Blogger Fadda Ken said...

fucking a!! break off a log! jeezus measure a log? hmmmm the pedestrian church measures logs on a regular basis, part of our training and induction to being altar boys and nuns in the church, however the measurement of logs is done only by those who wish to join the church, they are known only in the fecal papal anals as ass licking morons who talk shit!!! beware of any imposters those who lick ass are known throughout the world but a true anal graduate are only those that the are by papal decree issued by the pope of pedestria! beware the ass licking and measurement of fecal matter are only graduates of the popes decree!! now do not forget the measurements that are required by all other species! geez who has measured a log broken off by ET, mickey or minnie and especially goofy? think upon that my bretheren! gotta go , nature calls! HEY who is going to measure off the log i gotta break right now? any nuns avalable? shit gotta go!

3/18/2007 03:52:00 AM  

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