Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Some modern day facts about truth and life in general....

Well folks and fans...this year has certainly been filled with worthless non-newsworthy drek, and White Mud has had a hard time trying to keep pace with world events...

Being a world renowned rock band isnt as easy as it used to be...Simply staying as high as a kite and trashing hotel rooms just doesnt make the grade anymore these days...

God knows we have tried to stay abreast of the world events....blowing up Mt. St. Helen in syncronization with our show, covering the life, death and casual afterlife of Pope John Paul who is now selling real estate in Buenos Aires...(you didnt really think he died did you?)and the Turku experiments etc...Then there was the countless trash media stories about all of Hollywood knocking each other up and filming the lives and deaths of thier unborn children, and the re-invention of Dan Rather who will now be playing the role of Edward R. Murrow in a new Indie film starring himself as himself, directed by himself, with special effects by ....himself in the new film "If Only I Wasnt An Asshole" Costarring Ted Kopple as Alfred E. Newman as an adult.

Trying to keep up with the Al-Queda band which has dominated much of the news these days has been a project in itself! Reason enough to slaughter all of these rotten sand monkeys! Hell Ive heard them play and they really suck!

So much has happened that I find myself stunned emotionally. I only hope that White Mud can find the energy to try to surpass all of this media madness. It will be like White Mud playing the part of the Special Olympics Team in Bejing in 2008! Tough stuff! But I feel strongly that we are up to the task!

Theresa Schaivo will be on ice as a guest and perhaps we can get her to follow a few party balloons with her eyes while we play our favorite tunes.

In recent conversations with fellow Mudders, I have surmised that Brother Jerry The Spic and Fadda Ken will be travelling with me to New Falluja on a very long and arduous trip into Kill Town....

Fadda Ken stands on his porch with his bags packed as we speak waiting to make the journey. He has been practicing rude behavior all his life and is now ready to train willing followers how to become rich by being rude! His new video is coming out soon! Buy it or suffer the consequences!

Other chats with Brothers Walt Batanicle Galkowski who will be playing a clarinet (a first for him...ever...fucking ever...)through a weed blower, and Brother Rudy Rocket who remains an enigma as always will be there...doing their part to emotionally damage the fans, and insult fellow band members as often as they can breathe.

Our Beloved Cousin Mikey Moe whos legendary incendary performances include leading the Incredible Mohawk Brothers into "Performance Hell" time and time again, will be there and has made the mistake of offering his new studio to White Mud to "practice" a little, days before the show, to get their "chops" and perhaps record some of the practice sessions to audio and video....Hope he has insurance...

Others amongst the original lineup have promised to be there as well...Gary (Now called the Caveman) Garfinkle "Spunky" as we knew him back then...will be there if can just shut up long enough to book his flight...Our dear Brother Nathan Young who is still trying to figure out if he is Nathan Clay or Nathan Young or Doug Lunceford will be there if he can figure out who he actually is in time to book a flight...

Otherwise he will have to book flights for all of his personalities and that will be expensive! He may have to just steal a car between the three of him and hopefully not have all of his personalities get arrested in the same night on the way to Detroit! (hint #37...lots of fake id Doug...)

Then there is Hank "Your True Chief" Sobah who will be in New Falluja during the holidays and might just have to sleep on a park bench from Dec 25 till the show...send him a blanket wont ya?

Sir Martin continues to plink on his keyboards organizing the show from the salt caverns under Mt. Clemens Streets along with Sheila his pet panther and Uboo the incredible bear...Scary thing about Sir Martin...he seems to have figured out a way to track peoples intentions on attending the concert.

It seems he has figured out a way to measure the pulses of your fingertips on your on keyboard as you reply to our emails and solicitations regarding show attendance.

Weak pulse reactions seem to be measured as an anemic response to our show, and this of course marks you, through Sir Martins "Hybercyberkintetic Intergalactical Cereberal Monofilimatic Sensory Device" Which of course dooms you to destruction once White Mud hits ground in New Falluja.

Oooh yes! Those of you who have been lax about responding to this "Epic World Event"...are in for a baaaaaad Daaaaaay...

"He Knows when you are sleeeeeping...He knows when you're awake!"

Sadly, any of you who have been wimpy about this whole sordid sad pathetic affair regarding White Mud's desparate attempt to get back into show business are going to be in trouble!

White Mud, in years past, invented "Party crashing!" We did! We invented it! Before then, there were minor interruptions, but not real crashing!

Crashing is when a party just goes reeeeeealll baaaaad! Thats what White Mud has planned for anyone who doesnt cooperate with the program...Just thought you should all know.

Beyond the masterfullness of Sir Martin, I of course your own Doctor Hormone will be there recovering from a bad bout of tropical depression, and looking forward to a nice cooling off period in the arctic breezes of Detroit in January...Nothing like a vacation from hell....

Doctor Sherwin P. Seltzer (Tony Diorio) will be there as well, doing his best to play poorly in the true spirit of White Mud...

Rick The Carman Forester will be allowed to join us during a brief furlough from the Federal Witness Protection program which sentenced him to secrecy after he blew the whistle on the Weathermen back in 68...OOps! Sorry Rick!

The Pierowich brothers will be there in all there glory, along with Big Daddy Al Foyt our master of ceremonies at the video board, Tommy Funk Cucuru and many other unconfirmed guests and friends....

Look for us all wont you? We will be coming to stay in your homes amongst your wives and children very sooooon.

So in closing...whatever you thought was newsworthy today...wasnt! Its all bullshit...All that matters right now is that you all show up in your White Mud T-shirts ready willing and able to endure the abuse of your favorite rock band....back and alive and well from 1969-

White Mud!
Jaegers Castle Rock
43785 North Gratiot
Mt. Clemens Michigan
Sunday January 7 2007

4 Comments:

Blogger Martin said...

Hey Doctor...Good Post, but I'm not sure you should have told the folks about my "Hybercyberkintetic Intergalactical Cereberal Monofilimatic Sensory Device." That information is classified!

Any attempt by the folks to block my probing with the typical anti-virus or anti-spyware software will result in the hard drive self destructing.

Sir Martin of White Mud

11/14/2006 10:03:00 AM  
Blogger greg hormone said...

As you know Sir Martin with the Democlowns taking control of Congress, the disclosure of any eavesdropping devices on the internet or otherwise has become a real issue due to the Truth in Espionage Act of late...sorry.

11/14/2006 11:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Lon Cheney said...

Shitting your pants isn't a good thing is it? Shooting a guy in the face with a shotgun sucks too right? Getting caught rubbing one out by your daughter is not a fun time either, correct? I gotta start living life better. When you go to Detroit, can we kill someone?

12/10/2006 12:17:00 PM  
Blogger greg hormone said...

Lon Babe...you are truly a bad dog...and I thought White Fang was a miscreant!

Have you had your rabies shots this season?

12/11/2006 11:47:00 PM  

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