Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Blow Your Toenails Off On the 4th of July!

Ok, lets start with a local neighborhood observation...In my little barrio down here in Sphincter City (Miami) I happened to notice that while every cuban in the neighborhood for blocks, has fireworks and they all are having a party with at least 12 cars parked on every lawn, the only home in the neighborhood flying an American flag is me and the family across the street. This is the 4th of Juuuuuuuuulyyyyyyy!

America's freaking birthday! So unless you clowns have the decency to at least fly an American flag, youre not allowed to blow off firecrackers without being required to at least lose a toe along the way!

Speaking of blowing off a toe, what the hell is with this Lamasil product? Are there that many people in this country with rotten toe jam that an American pharmaceutical company can cash in on the toejam plague with a product that guarantees to fix it?

For Healthcare Professionals
Treat the Infection, End the Frustration
Before they see you, most patients with onychomycosis try to treat the infection on their own. They become frustrated with ineffective treatment approaches. LAMISILĀ® Tablets offer effective treatment: high cure rates with low relapse, an established safety record, and convenient once-a-day dosing. In a 48-week assessment of clinical success rates with LAMISILĀ® Tablets, the following results were reported*:

70% achieved mycologic cure
59% achieved effective treatment (mycologic cure plus 0% nail involvement or 5 mm of new unaffected nail growth)
38% achieved mycologic plus clinical cure after 12 weeks of therapy (one 250-mg tablet daily) [mean time to overall success: 10 months]
85% did not relapse among those who achieved mycologic plus clinical cure of toenails (mycologic cure is achieved before clinical cure; relapse rate based on 38% of patients who demonstrated both mycologic cure plus clinical cure) Mycologic cure is achieved before clinical cure.


How bad is this virus? Are there that many people suffering from toe-rot that Lamasil can make a living selling it with this rotten little monster Digger who lifts up your toenail like the hood on a Bonneville, and crawls up underneath? I hate this commercial!

I have come to hate the way people treat this national holiday as if it were nothing more than a firecracker contest, and I hate the people at Lamasil for exploiting toe rot....let us live with our traditions of a few fireworks and more American flags and rememberance of our fallen heroes and let us live with our toe jam without little gremlins crawling up underneath our toenails to cure it!

How bout this for a July 4th Poster?....


Blogger Martin said...

Happy Fourth of July to you, Doctor Hormone!! ;-)

I, for one, like Digger, the Dermatophyte. I think he's cool. Digger has inspired many other advertising icons: Like the mucus couple that moves in with the belongings.

Other than that, I'm with you on knowing what this holiday is supposed be about, and it ain't all about fireworks!

It's funny that you mentioned Toe Jam... Mikey Moe just posted something on this at his message board.

Sir Martin of White Mud

7/04/2006 11:16:00 PM  
Blogger Mikey Moe Hawk said...

But if the fungus goes away from taking all that LAMISIL, won't the population of Miami also lessen? And yes, Toe Jam is a great and wonderful thing. It's like a sixth toe to keep you balanced upright, however, twice a year, one should surgically remove it with some kaiser boiler foil and a pair of blunt scissors! Thanks for the 4th of July phone call message Doc, sorry I wasn't available, but I was in "CINDERELLA MODE", a secret society of married men who know what I mean. Today, I'm back as Eeny Meany Mikey Moe...Catch a tiger by the toe jam...got it? GET IT!!!

7/05/2006 07:33:00 AM  
Blogger greg hormone said...

So cousin Mikey...did you get the house cleaned or did you turn into a pumpkin?

7/05/2006 10:09:00 PM  
Anonymous NostraDomPolski said...

I predict that his house was cleaned as pumpkins are not yet in season (ya gotta make these harder for me if I gotta suffer into the netherworld, buddy). Long live the Nortownus Spiritus. WAIT...here comes one now...no...it was just gas. WHOOSH!!!

7/06/2006 05:05:00 AM  

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