Doctor Hormone's Hurricane Question and Answer Board Part II
As Hurricane Wilma approaches the South Florida Coast, many questions abound...
Doctor Hormone, a self professed senior fellow at the White Mud Institute for studies of the bizzarre and has offered himself as the information expert regarding the preparation and recovery from such a storm. His credentials are impeccable in the field of science and Hurricanology.
Without further adeu, The following Q&A dialogue serves those who find themselves in the path of yet another one one natures profound events. As an added bonus, Doctor Hormone will reveal here on this board his theorum for an invention that may very well revolutionize the tracking and perhaps even the control of the weather phenomenon we call "Hurricanes!"
And now, more Q & A regarding Hurricane preparedness:
Q1: Dear Doctor, I have watched people in the Caribbean, the Gulf states, including Florida, prepare for these storms over and over each year, each month, and I cant help but wonder why it is, that with each impending storm, why so many people continue to scramble to buy plywood when each storm approaches....Why doesnt everyone in Florida have plywood (enough) to protect their home from the next storm by now? Do Floridians toss this plywood aside after each storm? If so, why? If so, where do they toss it? i would like to have it...I could likely build a house out of all of the discarded plywood by now! If they buy new plywood each time a storm threatens and then toss it, by now many of these people could have purchased a reuseable storm shutter system by now....
Armenian Plescoff, St. Petersburg, Fl.
A1: Well Army, that's a swell question...I havent got a conclusive answer except to offer a hypothesis that maybe many of these folks are either superstitious that the plywood is good for only one storm, or maybe they feel that like in a sporting event, using the same equipment more than once will not be effective...its a possiblity that the plywood is never properly installed and is long gone by the next day when they wake up and discover that their windows are all smashed and the house is fillled with water...some people never learn...
Some basic tips for properly installing homemade hurricane shutters can be found at this link which shows a way to install them so they stay in place and are available to re-use again another day....
http://www.stormsurvival.homestead.com/Hurricane_Storm_Shutters.html
Next question....
Q2: Dear Doctor...why is it that during every impending storm, the local news media people stand out in the pouring rain pointing at surfers, and scoff at the danger of such activity, while they are being filmed standing in the blowing wind, barely audible, as schrapnel flies by, and lightning explodes behind them, and they preach of the dangers of going outside while they point at beer cans floating by and coconuts dropping out of the trees behind them? What is the point of all that?
A2: Sorry, I havent got a clue! Next question....
Q3: Doctor Hormone, I have a winter home in Gladwin Michigan where I am originally from. My family moved to South Florida in 1971 and we have since rotated back and forth from South Florida and Michigan as each hurricane season occurs, quite successfully, between homes. We leave Florida 2 weeks before hurricane season begins and return 2 weeks after it is officially ended each year. To date we have never been here in 35 years during an actual hurricane.
Given the increasing frequency of these storms and our predictable evacuation schedule, what are the chances of our actually being here during a storm?
Emil Norpe' Miami, Fl./Gladwin Mi.
A3: Hey Emil, 1st of all, I said I wouldnt be doing any math related equations here ok? Secondly its a stupid and selfish question. Finally, if I was to place a bet on your odds, you and your family are very likely to either die in a plane crash, or a bad car wreck on I-75 in transit. Next question.
Oh? We are out of questions? Oh good then everyone is ready right? batteries, plywood?, booze?..ok hunker down and get ready.
And now, a Scientific Theorum on the concept of tracking and artificially managing hurricanes using a level of scientific intervention!
Imagine if you will, the possiblitiy of not only knowing where these huge moster storms are going, but actually having a chnce at steering them, or at least minimizing their punch so to speak....
Ill not mince words here, Im Doctor Greg Hormone...known for my scientific controversial approach to solving mankinds problems...(snort)
Often mankind is approached with a severe situation and conventional thinking just wont due so they call in an expert such as myself....I solve the unsolvable, right the wrongs and left the rights...sometimes an old lady pedestrian may get injured along the way, but sometimes thats the price we must pay for progress...
Right now, as we speak, and again, I wont mince words here, mankind finds itself in a world of shit...and problem solvers such as myself...professional problem solvers, have to come in and bail humanity out of the turd bowl...
Timeline: Right now....October 22 2005 18:00 hours EST...another major storm Wilma threatens the Gulf and eventually, Florida. Tracking the storm is feeble due to inadequate storm tracking equipment, but even if the storm was more effectively tracked, the best that could be done would be to warn communities to board up, prepare for damge and or evacuate.
Query: What if we had a way to cause these storms to weaken or even move to a direction that might cause less harm?
Today, we have a limited number of Weather Bouys stationed across the gulf that are intended to recognize and report changes in the wave pressure, wind pressure etc...back to a Center where the pros analyze and process the informatin to determine the best advisory for the community about to be assaulted by the storm.
Imagine, if instead of mere weather bouys, we had large seaworthy barges (Hundreds of them)capable of floating through the worst of weather, that were fitted with the same reporting devices to relay weather conditions, but also had large nuclear or even solar powered, remote radio operated refridgeration devices capable of churning seawater through a pump and over huge industrial massive refridgeration cores that would collectively transform the ambient temperature of the seawater to say ten degrees colder for a short period...?
Imagine a system of remote controlled sea coolers that could cause an interruption of the cycle of warm water-air propulsion that feeds the energy of these hurricanes? Imagine this system being operated on a 24/7 system similar to NORAD, where the threat level would trigger an activation of the refridgeration system to cool down the gulf waters and interrupt that menace to humanity?
Ok, there are many questions and issues here...what about the fish? what about the ecology? what about the cost?
As the problem solver, my task is already done....I have given you, mankind the answer ....you figure out the details....im not that good at the math on this kind of thingy...
I have concurred with another professional in the field of Hurricaneology, Professor Moamus Alexander Morgus...
He agrees that the details should be handled by the more mundane experts in the area of research...I am only responsible for the birth of an idea, and my mind would likely explode if I were to linger on the details.
I invented the moon, now its up to NASA to find a way to get there and back...
Somehow, I still have some small level of faith in the brilliant technical minds of our time, to take this brainchild to its full level of potential and make it happen....Stephen Hawkins, Bill Gates, Sir Martin Preece...it will be men such as these that will run with this idea and re-create our planet to a place where we can abuse the environment without restraint and still enjoy some level of immunity from the results of our own greed!
What a great bunch of guys we are! And you, humanity are welcome for our gift of genius...Have a nice day!
-Doctor Greg Hormone 10/22/2005
posted by greg hormone at 10/20/2005 07:35:00 PM
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